A Royal gift

As most of us witnessed, today was the royal wedding. oOooo aAAaaAa

I read that the wedding cost something like 35 million dollars.
What?!?! 

my blogging mom

If my mom were a blogger maybe she would write a post about protein shakes & squats.

Or maybe she would write about being a young mom raising 3 beautiful well behaved children.

If my mom were a blogger she would spell everything correctly. Her punctuation and grammar would be impeccable. 

BUT...

My mom isn't a blogger, she's a body builder..

yea that's right... you read that correctly!!

She hasn't always been a body builder, although, had she been maybe grade school wouldn't have been such a miserable experience.

 At least my kids can use her buffness to their advantage.They can bring her in for show and tell and I can make them t-shirts that say my grandma can kick your dad's butt. She can give the bullies that look she used to give us as kids to make us walk slowly backwards until we were at a safe distance to make a run for it, That combined with a muscle tee, who wouldn't feel safe with her around? They have their own personal body guard, secret weapon if you will.

If my mom was a blogger she would kick blog @$$ because that's how my mom rolls.

WARNING: contents may be hot

Ever see those warnings companies put on their products?The ones that are obvious.

Cup of  coffee - caution contents may be hot

Bic lighter- ignite lighter away from face

Food sealer-To prevent possible injury, do not apply the hose or the lid sealer to any part of the body while vacuum pump is in operation.
Bayer Aspirin-Do not take if allergic to aspirin.
Trojan condoms- not to be eaten

I have learned a lot of things being a mother.  One thing is that i will say things, almost on a daily basis, that i never thought i would ever say to another human being. Things much like the warnings above, Things that most people would assume to be obvious but clearly are not or they wouldn't have to be said.

 Do not pee on your brother's stuff

 Do not put your hands,feet,or face in the toilet
 

No i do not want to smell your armpit

 I know you don't like the crotch on your ballerina outfit but ballerinas have crotches
too

No Joke

I would start this out with a joke but I'm not good at telling jokes, I barely remember the whole thing and if i do it comes out weird and awkward. Much like my entire childhood, then I have awful flashbacks of plaid skirts and mean girls. 

The only joke i can ever remember is one my mom told when i was younger, apparently this is where i get the bad joke telling gene. I have no idea why this joke is burned into my brain, possibly because it is one of the worst jokes i have ever heard.
So don't expect any jokes here, because it'll just send me into the girls bathroom crying.

Wanna hear a clean joke? Johnny was taking a bath with bubbles..
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the girl next store..
ha ha harty har har
bad right?!